The Barrymore Bomb
Scene: A crowded bar with loud music
**I spot a girl in the bar that looks like she could be a doppelganger for Drew Barrymore**
Me: Hey! You know, you look exactly like Drew Barrymore, it is uncanny!
Her: OMG! I can’t believe you just compared me to Drew Barrymore!! She is so ugly [some incomprehensible text].
**Hmmm… I need a saving grace here. OKAY!**
Me: But magazines and many women think she is really beautiful.
Her: Well, I don’t!
**A back and forth battle royal for me to redeem myself only drives the stake even deeper which lands in the ultimate**
Her: OKAY, you can take your foot out of your mouth now.
Me: Hm. Touche.
Exit: Stage far away but the same place.
The Not So Fly Spanish Fly
Scene: A bar full of pub crawlers
Me: You’re not Hispanic!
Her: Text in Spanish.
Me: Hm. Sure but, still I’m from Miami I have lots of Spanish friends and I can tell for sure! That you are not Hispanic.
Her: More incomprehensible text in Spanish.
Me: OKAY man, whatever, I just know for a fact that you aren’t Spanish. You sound like a true bred white-girl.
Her: What is it!? My accent?
Me: Yes, You sound like you’re from the states full on.
Her: Whatever man. You’re just a hater.
Me: ME! A hater, no way! You just don’t sound Spanish, that’s all I’m saying.
**Lingering conversation with me raggin’ on this girls accent**
**Cycle to later in the night**
Me: Hey, what’s up!?
Her: Get away from me, you were knocking on my accent all night and now you want to say whats up, no way hater.
Me: Eh.
Exit: Red light district
Rush Hour Power Part 1
Scene: A dance club in the city
**OK, I’m going for it, I’ve gotta use that line I heard in Rush Hour 3 before I jet from this place**
Friend: So Marlon… [I didn’t hear word after that, as I became so focused on pouncing this chick with the line, it was like tunnel vision]
Me: Hey man! I’ll be right back, excuse me.
Me: Hi, I know you probably won’t understand a word of what I’m saying but, I think you’re the most beautiful girl in this club tonight.
Her: Thank you but, I think there are other much better looking girls.
Me: Whoa, you speak English. Hm.
Her: Yes and also German and some Spanish, I love Spanish the most.
Me: Cool man, I’m from Miami, lots of Spanish speakers there. I do need to learn some German though.
**She had some text on Deutsch I won’t mention**
**Fast-forward some time later**
Me: Hey, we are going to take off, we should exchange numbers.
Her: No…
Me: Huh? Aw, come on.
Her: No…
Exit: To mi casa.
Rush Hour Power Part 2
Continuing my streak of excellence in the realm of reciting bad pickup lines from movies, I endured further to complete what I have learned.
Scene: A grand scale outdoor techno party, complete with dirt/sand and great weather
Me: Hey buddy, I think this chick over there is like eyeballing me and is going to come over…
Her: Hi! [some text in German]
Me: Hey! Do you speak English?
**With a grand British accent**
Her: Yes, I do. How are you?
Me: Im doing fine and you?
**Small talk, yada yada, which turns into me wanting to spurt my random though**
Me: I just wanna pour honey all over your body and lick it off.
Her: But, then I will be all sticky!
Me: Yea, that’s why I’ll lick it off.
^^This conversation surprising ran longer than I expected^^
Exit: Dirt trail to civilization (why conform, hell yes I still use ‘z’ instead of ‘s’, suck it!)