June 4th, 2010 3 min to read

The comments that leave my mouth…Is it any wonder why I’m always quiet

Category : Amsterdam, Miscellaneous, Travel

The Barrymore Bomb

Scene: A crowded bar with loud music

**I spot a girl in the bar that looks like she could be a doppelganger for Drew Barrymore**
Me: Hey! You know, you look exactly like Drew Barrymore, it is uncanny!
Her: OMG! I can’t believe you just compared me to Drew Barrymore!! She is so ugly [some incomprehensible text].

**Hmmm… I need a saving grace here. OKAY!**
Me: But magazines and many women think she is really beautiful.
Her: Well, I don’t!

**A back and forth battle royal for me to redeem myself only drives the stake even deeper which lands in the ultimate**
Her: OKAY, you can take your foot out of your mouth now.
Me: Hm. Touche.

Exit: Stage far away but the same place.

The Not So Fly Spanish Fly

Scene: A bar full of pub crawlers

Me: You’re not Hispanic!
Her: Text in Spanish.
Me: Hm. Sure but, still I’m from Miami I have lots of Spanish friends and I can tell for sure! That you are not Hispanic.
Her: More incomprehensible text in Spanish.
Me: OKAY man, whatever, I just know for a fact that you aren’t Spanish. You sound like a true bred white-girl.
Her: What is it!? My accent?
Me: Yes, You sound like you’re from the states full on.
Her: Whatever man. You’re just a hater.
Me: ME! A hater, no way! You just don’t sound Spanish, that’s all I’m saying.
**Lingering conversation with me raggin’ on this girls accent**

**Cycle to later in the night**
Me: Hey, what’s up!?
Her: Get away from me, you were knocking on my accent all night and now you want to say whats up, no way hater.
Me: Eh.

Exit: Red light district

Rush Hour Power Part 1

Scene: A dance club in the city

**OK, I’m going for it, I’ve gotta use that line I heard in Rush Hour 3 before I jet from this place**
Friend: So Marlon… [I didn’t hear word after that, as I became so focused on pouncing this chick with the line, it was like tunnel vision]
Me: Hey man! I’ll be right back, excuse me.

Me: Hi, I know you probably won’t understand a word of what I’m saying but, I think you’re the most beautiful girl in this club tonight.
Her: Thank you but, I think there are other much better looking girls.
Me: Whoa, you speak English. Hm.
Her: Yes and also German and some Spanish, I love Spanish the most.
Me: Cool man, I’m from Miami, lots of Spanish speakers there. I do need to learn some German though.
**She had some text on Deutsch I won’t mention**

**Fast-forward some time later**
Me: Hey, we are going to take off, we should exchange numbers.
Her: No…
Me: Huh? Aw, come on.
Her: No…

Exit: To mi casa.

Rush Hour Power Part 2

Continuing my streak of excellence in the realm of reciting bad pickup lines from movies, I endured further to complete what I have learned.

Scene: A grand scale outdoor techno party, complete with dirt/sand and great weather

Me: Hey buddy, I think this chick over there is like eyeballing me and is going to come over…
Her: Hi! [some text in German]
Me: Hey! Do you speak English?
**With a grand British accent**
Her: Yes, I do. How are you?
Me: Im doing fine and you?

**Small talk, yada yada, which turns into me wanting to spurt my random though**
Me: I just wanna pour honey all over your body and lick it off.
Her: But, then I will be all sticky!
Me: Yea, that’s why I’ll lick it off.

^^This conversation surprising ran longer than I expected^^

Exit: Dirt trail to civilization (why conform, hell yes I still use ‘z’ instead of ‘s’, suck it!)

Comments (1)

  • Amsterdam Trip – The Original 2 Guys Blog July 9th, 2010

    [...] friends with a few people. Made an ass of myself with a few women [see post here.] — I think this night can be an entire story in itself, actually. Let’s see if I can [...]